crosswordbebop

Thankful for today - an ordinary, almost boring, rejuvenating Saturday. Just what I badly needed. About three weeks ago, I snapped big time. Something in me has gone pretty mad and I waged a silent war - me against the world. I feel so stretched yet it seems I should give room for more. Hinde ko na alam kung saan ko huhugutin ang kailangan ko pang ibigay! I lost control of myself. I wallowed in victim mode. I threw major tantrums. I turned against my easiest targets - my hubby and the kids - shouting at the slightest provocation. Maybe, it has got something to do too with the fact that I am soon turning 32. Getting old? And fat? Hehehehe . Frustrations? Baggage? Masarap din minsan to give in to your emotions . To acknowledge that you are human. To give yourself time to process what you are going through. I am good at feigning indifference. How else could I get through each long workday without thinking much of the safety of my kids who are left under the care of strangers?! How else c...

I realized for a while now that I am living head over heels aka in disorderly haste every day, mostly because I'm very busy at work. I hardly have time to be a good housekeeper, wife and mom. I am grateful, therefore, to have the weekends to myself and for my family. I am a wife and a mom to two young kids but most of my hours are spent working, which makes me a hardworking (albeit sometimes reluctant) working girl, aiming for self-fulfillment and financial freedom. I love reading and writing and sleeping (not a morning person - not me)! I have taken up driving lessons but can't find the guts to actually drive. I have a love-hate relationship with commuting. I hate the traffic and the queue and the drivers who hate traffic too. But I love that I get to read and write during commute, my precious ME time during workdays. I am an Ilokana but thrifty is not in my vocabulary, to save and spend wisely are my flitting goals. Despite of my lack of time, I find myself perpetually wantin...

There is something seriously wrong with me these days. This morning, I spent almost an hour going through my meagre wardrobe looking for something that would fit. Gaining weight is proving to be a constant source of frustration. I need more Zumba sessions and more discipline to lose my belly fats (from pregnancy) and some pounds (from stress bingeing during the busy season). We had our first in-house Zumba session in our group yesterday. Just us and the dvd player. No instructor. Hopefully, it will turn out to be a regular fitness thing. Last night, I went to sleep at 2 am. And woke up at almost 11 am! I promised myself I would sleep early this week but there were some important things at work that I had to lose some sleep over. And for two consecutive midnights, the kids wake up as soon as husband and I get through the door. Next week will be different. I hope and I pray. I can’t concentrate on my job. I’m used to being efficient. I know because I log my tasks every 15 minutes (a habi...

I barely have free time. And during those rare times that I do have free time, I don't get anything done. I want to do so much that I end up... browsing and reading celebrity tsismis at pep.ph or reading Star and OK magazines. :) Entertaining but hardly productive. It's been months since I finished reading The Happiness Project and vowed to start a project of my own. I had the best intentions but no time. But finally, April is almost over and work should taper off a bit. The remaining days of April should be about tying up loose ends at work and gearing myself up for more intentional living starting May. I'll be needing lots of discipline, structure, good habits and resources. Most importantly, I hope that by some good fate, no major issue will crop up at work that will keep me pre-occupied. The month of May will be about: Clarity and Positive Energy 1 - Toss, Restore and Organize 2 - Tackle nagging tasks (ie. dental and OB check up, LTO drivers license renewal) - warts re...

I want to write again. So this is a try, though it's mostly a rant, a form of therapy. Ghosts from work are still haunting me, i'm trying to brace myself for anticipated client issues and problems. I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself. I have the tendency to be a mild worrywart, especially for things at work that are beyond my control. I still have to learn to completely let go, to shrug off issues and leave them at work. My colleagues keep telling me not to let the stress get to me and the baby in my tummy. I've always struggled a bit in my career, mostly due to my introverted personality. When I talk to God, I always ask for courage, strength and wisdom because i've always been weak, shy and not assertive. I'm thankful though that despite the negative thoughts nagging at me, I still sleep well at night except during those times when my toddler wakes up in the middle of the night to ask for milk. My toddler has become so malambing these days that it ...

No post for day three because i'm not feeling well. I'm down with colds and sore throat, which I hate much more than my surgical wounds. Let it remain a gap in my countdown to remind me that 30 days before my birthday, I had one really bad day. I must admit, when I started the countdown, I was an energizer bunny. I was sooo looking forward to my 30th birthday celebration. I'm supposed to be in a picnic now with my family and high school barkada , celebrating the big 3-0 together with a cousin whose birthday is only three days earlier than mine. But i'm at home, nursing my colds, feeling old. I remained optimistic even after the surgery but there are times that I feel like crying, especially now that i'm also suffering from headache and runny nose. I try so hard not to sneeze because my wounds hurt so bad every time I do. Ouch! Enough with my rants. On with my countdown. I remember when I was a kid, I found a little notebook my father kept to note details about me...