Thankful for today - an ordinary, almost boring, rejuvenating Saturday. Just what I badly needed.
About three weeks ago, I snapped big time. Something in me has gone pretty mad and I waged a silent war - me against the world.
I feel so stretched yet it seems I should give room for more. Hinde ko na alam kung saan ko huhugutin ang kailangan ko pang ibigay!
I lost control of myself. I wallowed in victim mode. I threw major tantrums. I turned against my easiest targets - my hubby and the kids - shouting at the slightest provocation.
Maybe, it has got something to do too with the fact that I am soon turning 32. Getting old? And fat? Hehehehe. Frustrations? Baggage?
Masarap din minsan to give in to your emotions. To acknowledge that you are human. To give yourself time to process what you are going through. I am good at feigning indifference. How else could I get through each long workday without thinking much of the safety of my kids who are left under the care of strangers?! How else can I allow myself not too feel too much pain when my baby cuddles to his yaya and would hardly look me in the eye?! How else can I allow my eldest not to go to school just because i'm too tired to argue? I had to let go of some things to survive each day without going crazy. God only knows how weak I am really. And it takes so much energy and effort on my part to face the challenges of every day. But maybe, I let go of the wrong things. Thus, the sudden outburst of frustrations. Oh yes, I'm still a drama queen!
But there's only too much room for drama. It's time to pick up the pieces yet again and move on.
Take back control.
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