A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor by Ogden Nash

When I was eight years old, I spent a year in Birmingham in the UK, attending Hallfield School in the days before it went coed. My class held a poetry recitation contest. I've already told you how I fell in love with Edward Lear's poem "The Jumblies" during this time. Another of my colleages recited the poem by T. S. Eliot about the feline criminal mastermind Macavity. I remember enjoying the rhyming of Macavity and depravity at the time. But there was a classmate who took joy in bugging me about America, so I was bound and determined to find a poem to recite by an American poet. The poet I located was Ogden Nash. The poem was "The Adventures of Isabel," which was at least as silly as "The Jumblies." I didn't do a very good job of reciting, but I fell in love with Ogden Nash's poetry. I discovered many years later that Isabel was one of Nash's two daughters.

As I reflect on Ogden Nash, he used the same raw comedic material as Will Rogers, but produced poetic observations instead of stand-up comedy.

The poem mentions Walpurgis night, which is actually at the end of April, and I originally recorded it at the time Walpurgis night is usually celebrated in Europe. But still, it seemed like a nice thing to contribute to this year's Halloween proceedings, and it is my humble attempt to atone for my lousy reciting in 1966. I've added some early Ornette Coleman as the music to this terrible tale. If you like it, maybe I'll do some more.

I give you "A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor" by Ogden Nash. Click on the player to hear it.

Four Poets In Their Natural Habitat - Poetry Reading In St. Paul

There was recently a very nice article in the St. Paul Villager about Carol Connolly, who was named St. Paul's first Poet Laureate by Mayor Chris Coleman in 2006. The article mentioned that Connolly would be giving a poetry reading at the Barnes & Noble at Har Mar Mall on October 26.



Craig Lewis and I have had many conversations over the last few months about poetry, so it seemed like a golden opportunity was knocking to hear a poet of some stature and reputation. When we got there, we discovered that not only would Carol Connolly be reading poetry from her latest book "All This And More," but there would be poems read by three other poets published by the same publisher, Nodin Press.



I had the chance to quickly scan through All This And More before the reading got underway. I had read in the Villager article that Connolly had started writing poetry after a bitter divorce (redundant?), and that her later companion had been permanently brain-injured in a tragic accident. I was nervous that I was going to find some self-pity in these pages, and then greatly pleased not to find any. Is she looking for love? Kinda, sorta, maybe...depends on what you mean by love. She might be looking for someone with a big carbon footprint, as she shared a poem declaring her attraction to big, shiny trucks. She might be looking for substance (not as in stuff, but as in being), as she mentioned that in a poem about sharing a cup of consomme at the New French Cafe with a handsome gentleman. She might be looking for a nice hat, as there are a number of hat references. I think she's looking for a person who is being, and a nice hat, not necessarily in that order. There are multiple moments of hilarity evenly scattered through the book, and I appreciate the humor she brought to difficult things.

We were in the section of Barnes and Noble that included large books of photographs about musicians, and Craig pointed out to me that there was a big honking Bob Dylan book on the opposite shelf from us. It seemed to be a good omen that the proceedings were taking place under the watchful eye of Bob Dylan.

The first poet to read was Morgan Grayce Willow. When I first heard her name, I recalled "Morghanne Q. E. Wolfe-Slattery, Euphorian" from Garage Logic.



But her poems were pleasant. She had a couple of poems about maps, and suggested in one of those poems that drawing lines on a map is a cause of war. When she said that, I recalled that bit from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy about how the Babel fish is responsible for more and bloodier wars than anything in creation. In reflecting on her poem, I thought...

When the mapmaker draws a line
Which signifies "This is mine,"
And "This is not mine,"
Isn't it obvious,
Or does it need to be shown,
That the seed of war
Has just been sown?

I particularly liked her poem, "Love Lodges," which was about love filling up all sorts of tiny, empty, passing spaces when left to itself. Like poppy seeds from a poppy seed bagel lodge between my teeth, love lodges in all sorts of places and spaces.

The next poet to read was Jill Breckenridge, reading poems from her book "The Gravity of Flesh."



She read four poems from a series of poems about the State Fair, and then read a long narrative poem about coming of age in the 50's. She definitely had a Crossword Bebop connection, because the tragic life of "cool" jazz trumpeter Chet Baker, was a big part of this poem. I regret not having played any Chet Baker here at Crossword Bebop, but I gave an instance of the Cool with Boplicity, and played something by Cool icon Gerry Mulligan as well.

Carol Connolly then read. She read the poem about big, shiny trucks, and the poem about sharing the cup of consomme, and the poem about the Acura running the red light that disabled her companion. I commented on the punctuation at the end of the poem, and she remarked, "Ah, a reader!" I wasn't exactly sure what she meant by that at the time, but during the schmoozing after the reading, she remarked that poems need readers just as much as they need writers. I believe by "a reader," she meant someone who pays more than cursory attention, and someone who gives a little more love than common courtesy, to a poem, so on further review, she gave me a very nice complement. She finished with the poem "Romance," the one that Oprah Winfrey read to close one of her shows.

The last poet of the evening was Beverly Rollwagen, whose most recent book, Flying, contained numerous poems about the days when female flight attendants were "girls," and the interesting stories of some passengers (pre-9/11)



One thing that made this poetry reading particularly nice was that there were enough copies of the poetry books available to take one and read along with the poet. For some reason, there weren't copies of Flying available for me to read along. But her poetry was playful and enjoyable. I told her any poem with the word "obstreperous" in it was just all right with me.

Carol Connolly wrote something very nice when she signed my copy of All This And More. She wrote "To Douglas Bass, with admiration and gratitude." She just met me that evening, so that was very nice of her. It was very nice how she clapped her hands in response to the applause of the audience of about 40 people. This made things all the more awkward for me, I had planned to tell her how disappointed I was that she didn't have a website or use any social media. These days that's being really reclusive, really Emily-Dickensonish.

When Craig and I were talking about attending this reading, Craig suggested that I share some poems I've written with Carol Connolly. It's all Craig's fault! Blame him! So I brought "America Is Thinking To Itself Today," "A Poem Is Writing Itself In Me," and "Like Motes In A Sunbeam" with the idea of giving them to Carol Connolly. But when we discovered that there were four poets reading, that complicated things, because I had three poems and four poets. Beverly didn't get a poem from me. Is that a good thing? For her, maybe.

Where The Streets Are Paved With Poetry

They say that Heaven is
Ten zillion light years away
And just the pure at heart
Will walk her righteous streets someday

Stevie Wonder, "Heaven Is Ten Zillion Light Years Away"

They say in Heaven,
The streets are paved with gold,
The symbol of faith refined by fire.
Until I reach that higher
Plane, it's plain I'd like to be
Where the streets are paved
With poetry

I've been walking a lot lately, and one of the streets I've walked on is West Dayton Avenue in the Merriam Park neighborhood. On the north side of the street, there is the unusual sight of poetry in the sidewalk. Not on, but in, as in permanently etched into the sidewalk, like this...



and this...



In my mind's eye, I saw pictures of my children lying down on the sidewalk, showing their reactions to the poetry. My two youngest daughters were firmly persuaded that this idea was stuuupid, but somehow or other, I managed to get them into the car and to the block of Dayton just east of Prior Ave.



Annie Laurie is bored with this poem, and with the whole concept. Mental note: Crop my shoe out of the picture...



The fact that there was a playground on this block of Dayton helped them get more interested...



I wish I could have taken this picture on a ladder, so it would have looked like she was flying through the air, or stuck to a wall





I'm just glad the poem didn't say "Origami big fat basted turkey..."



This poem is also on the southeast corner of Fairview and Ashland in Merriam Park.

I'm really curious as to who did this, and how it was done. The poems are all using a font, but was it carved, or done when the concrete was wet? Please advise

President Obama Health Care Rally, Minneapolis

I arrived at Target Center at a little past 9:00, but there was already a large number of people in front of the entrance. These were the people who ended up sitting on the lower deck.



I had eight signs, using both sides of four pieces of poster board. I will tell you more about my signs later.

I was interviewed by David Usborne, an American correspondant for The Independent in the UK, who seemed like a reasonably nice man. The fact that I knew Robert Fisk wrote for the Independent, and that I had read The Independent when I was in Edinburgh in 2006 for the WWW Conference, gave me a little bit of credibility with him. He was especially nice to give me the last word in his report on the rally.

I was also interviewed by a lady for MinnPost, who used to work for the Pioneer-Press. She was the one who told me that the lady I was speaking with a few minutes ago was Coleen Rowley, who has gone from being Time's Person of the Year in 2002, to running a fumbling campaign against Rep. John Kline, to being the Twin Cities version of Cindy Sheehan, someone who is no longer useful to the Left.



There were protesters to the left and right of Obamacare at the event. There were a number of people demanding a single-payer healthcare system, and people like me, who had all sorts of interesting signs.



I really liked the one that said "Keep bickering, it's gone down from 47 million to 30 million."

There were quite a few members of a number of different unions (machinists, postal workers, nurses) attending the event, but I never saw a larger group than seven people being together wearing union shirts. I didn't see one SEIU garment. The Teamsters parked a semi across the street from Target Center, but kept to themselves. They had coffee and donuts, but I'm not exactly sure who they were for. I had a brief, civil conversation with a Teamster leader about the Teamster's plans for the kneecapping unionization of FedEx.



I experienced one walk-by heckler, but the people attending the event were generally civil.

One bad thing about the protesters is that they mostly stayed in one spot, across the street from the main entrance of Target Center.





The line snaked back and forth for a long way in a generally northeast direction up Hennepin Avenue. I decided that I would walk from the front of the line to the back of the line, and I did this multiple times. On further review, I wish that the other protestors had done this as well. Most of my signs were seen relatively up close by thousands of people. Here were my signs that I showed the most...

"2 + 2 = 4" In smaller letters, I wrote, "Price controls fail," "Markets R Virtuous" and "Gov't Is The Problem" with "No Matter What Obama Says" in little tiny letters at the bottom. If anyone picked up the 1984 reference, nobody decided to engage me about it. I think some people saw that sign and decided I was slightly insane.

"O-Care ++Ungood" with "Big Brother Is Watching You" in smaller letters, and "Freedom Is Slavery" in little tiny letters. This was on the back side of the "2 + 2 = 4" sign. Again, no takers on the 1984 reference.

"How Many Trillions?" with "9 Too Many, At Least" in little tiny letters. This sign got quite a bit of comment. Lots of people said something like "How many trillions have we spent in Iraq?" or "Bush doubled the national debt." This is what I learned that may or may not be important.

IF YOU WANT TO ANNOY AN OBAMA SUPPORTER, JUST POINT OUT WAYS THAT OBAMA IS LIKE BUSH.

One could say things such as, "Bush got us into Iraq, Obama is keeping us in Iraq. Bush got us into Afghanistan, and Obama is keeping us in Afghanistan. Bush locked up the terrorists in Gitmo, and Obama is keeping them in Gitmo. Bush suggested FISA wiretapping, and Obama voted for it. Bush bailed out Wall Street, Obama stole GM and Chrysler for the unions. There must be 50 similar things that one could say. But they would all be excellent ways of poking holes in the beliefs that Obama supporters have that President Obama is nobler, more honest, more decent, more humane and more magnanimous than former President Bush.

I grasped that passing Obamacare was the Operation Iraqi Freedom for these people, what they grasped as their chance to do something they thought was good, what they grasped as their chance to make an impact. While it's hardly original, I grasp that's a deep hunger in people, one that politicians love to exploit.

"Hands Off Our $" - I had graphic issues with this sign, and so didn't show it very much, as the "How Many Trillions?" sign was working so well.

"Fix Medicare First" - There were quite a few people with some kind of sticker or sign or button that said "Medicare for Everybody" People who are getting Medicare are happy with their health care, but they're not going to be happy when Medicare goes bankrupt in the not-too-distant future. I was very disappointed with the lack on comment on this sign.

I thought this person's sign was unspeakably hilarious, and so I consider it entirely good and right that this young man (Dan Hillenbrand, student at the University of St. Thomas) was quoted in the Star-Tribune coverage of the rally.



Another thing about observing the line is that there were quite a few people with clipboards up and down the line, signing people up to do this, that or the other. I'm not sure how many of them were with formal Obama organizations, and how many were merely organizational allies, but I'm unhappy that they were taking names of people who would eventually do something, and I wasn't. Another one of the protesters in front of Target Center commented, "If we can only get a hundred people to show up when Obama comes to town on a Saturday morning with gorgeous weather, it's plain to see we're not very organized." I don't have a snappy comeback for that observation. I was hoping to see some of my colleagues in the Minnesota Organization of Blogs, but I didn't. None of the protesters actually went in to the event, which was a great pity, as a lusty chorus of boos and heckling might have been very helpful indeed.

They decided to fill one section of the upper deck at a time, so once one got into Target Center, it was still very crowded. It's a good thing people were very polite.



Channel 5 showed President Obama stepping off Air Force One on the big screens at Target Center at about 12:15. All the people who might have been at Target Center as preliminary speakers, were meeting the President at the airport. 2012 Vice-President Senator Amy Klobuchar and Senator Al Franken were there, along with other important people.

A lady minister gave a rambling invocation. There was the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance, and the singing of the national anthem. HHS Secretary Sibelius came on and gave a perfunctory recitation of the talking points. There was starting to be a lull about 1:00 when President Obama arrived.



Should I consider the fact that President Obama is going back to the thing he knows best, campaigning, as an admission that his other strategies were not succeeding? That would be a nice way of thinking about it. President Obama entered like a prize fighter, with his jacket off, his sleeves rolled up, shaking hands with as many people as possible in the VIP section before going on stage.



I don't really understand why the podium was turned toward one of the corners of Target Center, but it was.

There were the usual remarks of praise for local Democrats, with the notable exception of Rep. Keith Ellison. So maybe President Obama has other issues with Keith Ellison, maybe Obama's snub of Ellison during the campaign wasn't just business. Who knows?

There wasn't really anything novel about Obama's speech. You can see the video and read the transcript here. Here's my summary: "People experience misfortune, people shouldn't experience misfortune, government is the solution to people experiencing misfortune. I will sign a law that says people shouldn't experience misfortune. Everyone who disagrees with me is an advocate of the status quo, a liar, a con, a manipulator, a stooge of special interests. I want all my supporters to get in my opponents' faces with brass fisties, and bootsy-woots if thou it suits."

I was scared when I saw this person's button...

.

I take consolation in that the more President Obama talks, the less people like him and his ideas. I take further consolation in the fact that President Obama seems to think that talking to America more, and getting more swaggering and Chicagoish is the solution to his problems. At the rate we're going, America is going to kill Obamacare just to avoid having to listen to a historic speech-to-end-all-speeches on health care every week.

Betty McCollum Town Hall Meeting, St. Paul, Minnesota

Representative Betty McCollum held a health care townhall meeting at the Weyerhaeuser Chapel on the campus of Macalester College on August 31. There are various things to say about this meeting.

First of all, there was robust interest from the public in this meeting. The chapel seats about 350 people, and the media reported that there were about as many outside the chapel, listening by loudspeakers.



This is a photo of the line of people who lived in the 4th Congressional District, waiting to get tickets.

There were a number of interesting signs seen at the event.



This lady said she was part of the grass roots. It was a play on...ah, never mind.



This lady sat next to me during the town hall, taking copious notes on the questions and answers.



The expression on this lady's face could kill just about anything, including health care reform.



I'm particularly happy about the Special Interests sign because I made it shortly before the meeting, and it ended up making the local Fox news. The lady was particularly nice to grab one of my signs.



On the other hand, there were hundreds of these signs. I said "It used to be 'Question Authority,' now it's 'Celebrate Conformity!'" A man with a printed sign said "I don't celebrate conformity." I said "Ironic words from a man with a printed sign."



This was the Obama organizing tables. As I was taking the picture, I said, "I'm not taking a picture of your homemade sign, neener, neener, neener!"



I don't know who this person is, but he was the only person at the event wearing a union garment of any kind. For reasons I don't understand, he was carrying a copy of the book "Enemy at the Gates: The Battle for Stalingrad." I made a point to walk past him carrying my sign reading "Ken Gladney says hello (from his wheelchair)." He declined to comment.



I couldn't tell whether this person was a genuinely agitated citizen, a LaRouche supporter, or a provocateur.

I had a few conversations with people before the meeting began, most of which went something like this: "Me: I don't think we should have Obamacare. Them: Are you planning on accepting Social Security when you retire? Me: Well, yes, assuming it's not bankrupt by then. Them: Then you've already agreed to Obamacare in principle, we're just haggling about the price and/or the extent. Neener, Neener, Neener!" I'm so glad I didn't give the comeback I'm thinking about now...



The gentleman with the Obama Joker sign provided one of the few sour notes of the evening, as an elderly Republican gentleman asked him to get rid of it during the Q&A in the name of civility, and he wouldn't.

The questioners were selected at random from people who requested to ask questions. I was unhappy with this, because I believed it would result in a majority of the questioners being Obamacare shills. But on further review, it worked out rather well.

The meeting started about five minutes late, with Macalester President Brian Rosenberg gave a glowing introduction of Betty McCollum. Given that Betty McCollum is on the Education Appropriations Committee, I thought I caught a faint whiff of kissing up, but maybe that was just me.

Betty McCollum gave her usual speech. American health care stinks, it's worse than Zimbabwe by some set of metrics she declined to mention, health care is a universal, fundamental right, the problem with Obamacare is that the government isn't inflicting it fast enough or thoroughly enough on the populace, the only reason we don't have it yet is because evil, stupid, corrupt Republicans, who are in the pocket of the insurance industry, are stonewalling it, because they are busy arguing for the status quo, because they are too stupid to have any ideas of their own, yada yada yada.

It occured to me that she has decided to adopt the Obama strategy of offering the false Obamacare-or-business-as-usual choice. Instead of saying that 40 million Americans are uninsured, the new directive is to say that 60 million Americans are uninsured or underinsured (as if it was the government's business to say who was underinsured).

I really want the video for this event, because during the Q&A, McCollum said something to the effect of "People say we're trying to ram this bill through. I don't know what they're talking about." It was more of the disingenuous doublethink that was part of her speech. The raucous laughter and shouts of reproach from about 30 people or so was priceless. And then, in calling for civility, she had this look like a wounded kitten, as if she had no idea what the people were so upset about.

The pleasant surprise of the evening was the questions raised by the people who were selected. It's quite possible that a majority of those selected were opposed to Obamacare, which was something I didn't expect.

There were some Democrat questioners, and more than one of them expressed genuine bewilderment as to why the entire nation doesn't consider Obamacare to be the legislative equivalent of a Krabby Patty, an absolute, unqualified good. They didn't get why their side was losing the argument. I wish I could have told them that it had something to do with President Obama's intellectual dishonesty on the subject, the incidence of union thuggery at town hall meetings, the dislike of American citizens of being addressed by their legislators as inferior, retarded children, bills involving trillions of dollars being rammed through Congress at lightning speed at midnight, among a dozen or so other things.

The pleasant surprise of the evening for me was the intelligence, knowledge and civility of the Republican questioners. There was one lady who very calmly asked "You say Republicans are stonewalling. But don't you have a majority in the House, and 60 votes in the Senate?" There was another gentleman who asked, "You say Republicans are for the status quo. But what about [Senator] Tom Coburn's bill in the Senate?" Another gentleman said "I don't see anything in the Constitution about the government providing health insurance." Betty McCollum didn't respond to any of these remarks. What could she say, besides either "Oops, I was wrong about that," or "Oops, I told a bald-faced whopper?"

I wished there was a question about the consequences of government health care in nations that have embraced it, such as the UK and Canada, but there wasn't. I also wished there was a question about the impact of government health care on medical innovation, but there wasn't.

The exclamation point of the evening for me was when I was standing around the people talking with Betty McCollum after the event. I was standing all of five feet away from her, and it would have taken all of three seconds to shake my hand. She looked at me and said "Well, I've got to go!" and headed off toward the exit. It might have been payback for my presence and signs and vigorous opposition. Then again, it might have been a backhanded compliment, a grudging admission that I was over the target.

A Poem Is Writing Itself In Me

A poem is writing itself in me,
Going to market in my memory
For the feast it wishes to be.

A poem is looking for words once said,
A poem is cooking the flesh that's dead,
And tasting it, in it's mind's tongue

"When will you pay me, poem?" I ask,
"How will you pay me, in what kind of coin
For these verses you take so free?"

"When I am finished writing myself,
I'll tattoo your name on my hand and forehead,
I'll swear you alone wrote me!"

We agreed, and it went on writing itself,
But I cannot pretend to be happy to be
A party to the poem's dark lie.

Things I Don't Like About Twitter These Days

Hopefully, this post will not be a rant, but a thoughtful examination of some of the unforeseen (at least by me) consequences of Twitter's phenomenal success.

People have gone on and on about Web 2.0 with greater and lesser degrees of clarity since 2004, but Twitter, in my opinion, is the first Web 2.0 killer app. Twitter provided a service and made the content sliceable, diceable, and otherwise manipulable by third parties. This made Twitter an upstat on blogs, forums and chatrooms. The third parties became invested in Twitter's success. Twitter and the galaxy of Twitter clients, tools and applications are much more valuable than Twitter was by itself when it launched in 2007.

Twitter's success has attracted swarms of people with all sorts of ideas as to how to make money off of Twitter. What makes it even worse is that it's unclear whether something should be done about it, and if something should be done about it, it's unclear who should be doing it. You'll see what I mean presently.

I don't like sledgehammer methods of getting more followers. I love Mr. Tweet and We Follow. I don't like chain letters like Tweet Penguin or Need Followers, and I don't like the pyramid scheme Tweetergetter, that filled the Twitterverse with tweets as to how to get a large number of followers. I don't like that people are working on getting large numbers of followers to sell them stuff. That's what list builders and autoresponders are for. I don't like any method of getting followers other than being one's pure, cool and awesome self. But if Twitter were to forbid certain tools or applications, it would have a terrible chilling effect on the creativity of toolmakers.

I don't like Twitter squatters. The Hubspot State of the Twittersphere report mentioned that slightly more than half of the accounts on Twitter had never tweeted. This is the Twitter equivalent of people registering domain names in the belief that someone will pay a sizeable amount for them in the future. In other words, there's a Twitter name land rush going on. Should Twitter amend the TOS so that accounts have to be used, or should they feel complimented that Twitter name real estate has become valuable?

I don't like the new generation of Twitter spammers. The old Twitter spammers followed 2,000 people and had one tweet. There are still plenty of those. Twitter spammers, like the Borg, are adapting rapidly and become more sophisticated. The new Twitter spammers try to look more like actual people, except for the porn spammers. I realize I'm being Twitter spammed when I get followed by two or three people with exactly the same bio, containing a link to what's being sold. The new Twitter spammers use hashtag spam, exploiting the recently added Trending Topics functionality to sell various things. Twitter didn't create hashtags, so I don't see how it could be considered Twitter's responsibility to do something about hashtag spam. I suppose I could yell and scream and rant and rave and block the spammer and tell all my followers to block the spammer, but it would only make me less happy, and only stop the spammer for the few moments it takes to get another Twitter account.

I don't like online games tweeting. I don't like TwitterVampire and Spymaster. Maybe I'm just a grouch, but I'm not happy about the precedent this is setting. I could just see Twitter being filled with World of Warcraft tweets about so-and-so destroying a thus-and-such monster with a certain kind of weapon. But there's that crummy chilling effect again if certain games were forbidden.

I don't like that people think Twitter thinks Ashton Kutcher is important. The Twitter I know and love is glad that celebrities are joining in the fun, but we loved Twitter before the celebrities showed up. Amelie Gillette expressed my thoughts pretty well:

If it's a choice between a probably terrible Twitter-based reality competition show or Ashton Kutcher squatting over the ether to squeeze out a few 140-characters-or-less observations/plugs-for-his-new-awful-CW-show multiple times a day, then I'm choosing the show. Twitter: The Series can't happen soon enough. It's like that Sheryl Crow song says: If it makes Ashton Kutcher upset, it can't be that bad.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, etc.