Saturday, 30 July 2011

countdown 24/23: reality and realizations

I missed a day!

Day 24 was just too full for me so I wasn't able to post a blog, but let me play catch-up.

Saturday is almost over. Our family spent most of the day lounging in bed and catching up on sleep. The toddler is still keeping us up at night. I wouldn't say the day is wasted because it's good to be rejuvenated but I wish I could make the day last longer. I'm sure my son would make it possible by sleeping again past midnight tonight. It has now become a vicious cycle of intermittent sleeps on weekdays and sleeping in on weekends. Not good. We're definitely going to the pediatrician tomorrow to put an end to this. Hoping for the best!

I'm hopeful (and realistic) of the decision I'm about to make over this weekend. It's a choice between treading unfamiliar territory or going back to an old turf. I've been doing some calculations, both qualitative and quantitative but at the end of the day, I know my choice would be made by heart. It does not always get me to the ideal situation but it does lead me to learning experiences, which to me is the beauty of living. So let me give a toast to myself:


Here's to staying young at heart, renewed career fulfillment, goal-setting and making more dreams come true. Cheers!






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I have had a number of realizations this week. For one, I've grown from that idealistic guilt-stricken new mom of more than a year ago to a grounded and realistic mom of a soon-to-be two-year old toddler that I have become today. My mama was a working woman and I think I grew up just fine.

My past mistakes and failures made me feel jaded but I don't dwell. I have learned to pick myself up with the help of my family and friends. That's why it is important to keep ourselves surrounded with people who loves us unconditionally.

I have also realized the wisdom in being mindful, of being present in the here and now. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget what is important and what our goals and priorities are. And then we realize, time has passed us by so fleetingly. That's why I started this blog and hope to sustain it. I try to be as honest as possible even though, as my husband puts it, some of my posts contemplate despair and he doesn't like it. I don't really care. The idea of the blog is for me to understand myself better, not to please or appease other people or project a perfect life.

I no longer feel as nervous in interviews as I used to. I'm more confident, which I think stems from knowing myself better. It helped that I have gone through a tough interview process in one dream job more than a year ago. I did not get the job but I got off with bits of wisdom and yet another learning experience. That's what failures are for. Hopefully, I will find time to write and share those learnings.

I have learned to ask questions and to negotiate. I used to just accept what is offered and try to make things easy. I guess, with age and experience, we learn to fight for what we think we deserve.

It feels really good to have choices and to be reaffirmed of my value as a person. The events of last week have sparked a fire in me to be better in what I do, to have goals and to dream big dreams again, without thinking one bit of winning in the lottery.

Maybe I've changed. Maybe, I'm done overindulging myself . I'm gearing (again) for some excitement, and I know for sure, troubles. The only difference is I now have the benefit of hindsight. In the coming days, you'll surely hear some rants and hopefully, optimistically, some dreams coming true.


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